Absentee Parents: Causes & Effects

What is the definition of an absentee parent? Commonly, the description is that of a parent who chooses to be inactive in their children's lives. Absentee parents can be many things: deceased, in prison, or physically present but, emotionally absent. There are also cases in which parents would rather (or likely not) pay child support and have nothing to do with their children. Others want to be present but, are absent from their children’s lives involuntarily due to unfortunate circumstances which still will affect a child.

Common causes of an individual being an absentee parent are limitless. Examples include:

Inability to co-parent: Some parents are caught up in turmoil from the results of a relationship ending badly. Often this can result in the parents having little to no communication and the custodial parent ceasing all contact between the child and non-custodial parent. Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t have the finances to afford a lawyer to be able to obtain visitation or joint custody rights. Unresolved conflict tends to overpower what is in the best interest of the children. Let us revisit the maternity suit involving television personality Sherri Shepherd and her then spouse, Lamar Sally. In a highly publicized court case, the two parties argued over Shepherd not wanting to be deemed as the legal mother to the child that she and Sally bore via a surrogate mother. Though Shepherd does not have biological ties to the child, and she and Sally split before the child was born, a Supreme Court ruled that Shepherd is indeed the legal parent of the child in question. According to several news outlets and Shepherd herself, she has nothing to do with the baby outside of her court-ordered financial obligation. I recall seeing an interview about her maternity battle and she referred to the child as "his" (Sally's) son. Sad but, true.
Not being ready: A song called “Babies Having Babies” by an artist named Terry Tate (released in 1989) always comes to mind when I touch on this subject. Teenage pregnancy has always existed. Many people are engaging in unprotected sex with multiple partners, ignoring the other dangers of unprotected sex which include but, are not limited to Hepatitis C, HIV/AIDS, and other sexually transmitted diseases. In most cases, the individuals miss out on teenage experiences and might regret their circumstances. This could lead to the parent abandoning the child to chase the dream they’ve always fantasized about. Frequently, the grandparents become the caregivers and providers, or the child is placed in foster care or given up for adoption. Part 2 to this circumstance is that sometimes the phrase “not being ready” means exactly what it is. I’ve spoken with people who have said that they “didn’t know how to be a parent” and felt that it was in the child’s best interest to be with a family who could provide the emotional, mental, financial, and physical support they felt as if they weren’t able to. Though the intentions might have been good, adopted children often feel a void because they feel as if they have no sense of identity.
Interference from current mates/partners/spouses: I personally like to refer to this one as “New Boo, What Child?” Everyone is guilty of telling their new mate their interpretation of how bad they’ve been treated in past relationships. When there are children involved and the parents aren’t civil to one another, mates can either help to mediate the situation or help make things much worse. While some people can fully accept your past and the kids that might come along with it, some don’t want to include their partner’s “other” children as an active part of their families. This may lead to the individual paying court-ordered child support only, and being emotionally, mentally, and physically unattached to the child to satisfy their partner’s wishes.
Death of a parent: An involuntary and unfortunate situation for all involved. I can’t imagine anyone choosing death over taking care of their children, no matter the circumstance.
Parent in prison: Although Barack Obama commuted over 1,700 people during his presidency; there are still a large number of prisoners who are parents behind bars. Contrary to popular belief, a majority of prisoners are merely drug offenders, and NOT rapists and murderers who get slaps on the wrist and are dropped off to live in neighborhoods not unlike yours and mine. There are consequences for breaking laws but, the real consequence is that the government is assisting in the ‘Absentee Parent’ process by keeping parents away from their children by giving felons unnecessary and harsh prison sentences. The cost of housing a prisoner is equivalent to a $30,000 annual salary of a person making minimum wage. The money being spent for the prisoner’s upkeep and the time in confinement could go to the participation in their children’s daily lives by releasing non-violent prisoners and allowing them to work instead of complaining about, while increasing, the United States’ financial deficit. In my opinion this is why rehabilitation programs, such as mental illness and those that can potentially help an individual become a better parent and person, are being cut from federal funding.
Physically present, emotionally absent: Sadly, some parents suffer from disorders beyond their control such as mental illness. Others have been affected by events in which they have difficulty showing or simply aren’t aware of how to show emotion. They display characteristics which might appear to be a call for emotional and psychological help. Though unintentional in this particular situation, the feeling of rejection by a parent is no doubt extremely hurtful. Always remember that no one is mentally ill by choice.
Child Support: I’ve watched enough movies and paternity reality TV shows to know that some people don’t particularly like to pay child support, and will do some crazy things to avoid doing so. In some instances, people feel that child support is their only obligation to the children they helped bring into this world, and sadly, that’s all they will give….involuntarily. They won’t do anything outside of what the judge ordered to avoid jail time and suspension of their driver’s license.
Reasonable doubt: Though a little love will never hurt anyone, some opt out of establishing any type of bond with a child that they are unsure belongs to them. The easiest solution is to get a DNA test as early as possible. DNA tests can be requested and ordered through your local court system, and there are always reality TV shows just waiting to fly you out and give you a nice hotel room to come on national TV and publicly air you out. In either case, there is no reason to miss out time in a child's life knowing that there might be potential of parenthood and DNA testing is accessible.

I think it’s safe to say that children need both parents no matter how old we may get. Having an absentee parent can lead to emotional instability, unstable relationships, and unhealthy attention-seeking. It also might teach affected children to become absentee parents themselves, and leave a void that may forever affect the level of respect one has (especially for the gender of the person whom they feel has betrayed them). Personal and professional relationships seem to be affected throughout their lives. There is an avoidance of getting attached to others and a fear of love, and they’re often selfish because of what they feel like they didn’t have. Most don't seem to be very goal-oriented, and may develop mental disorders due to internal conflict. Parent-less